What to Do with Subpar Purity

The Context of Burning Passions

The closing portions of 1 Corinthians 7 address individuals in a romantic relationship that is more than friendship but less than marriage. If they are burning with lust, it is better to marry than to burn. Sexual desire has awakened, creating a struggle with biology and the draw toward sin. Marriage provides the God-given means to address these desires legitimately.

If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. But whoever is firmly established in his heart, having no necessity, but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. So then both he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.

A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

1 Corinthians 7:36–40 (adapted from context)

This passage offers direction for those failing at purity or lacking a foundation of purity in their premarital romantic relationship. The moments of sin or temptation require action. Doing nothing leads to greater harm. In the Christian life, idleness fosters sin—be proactive.

Two Options When Purity Fails

If in a romantic relationship with an unbeliever, end it immediately. Unequal yoking defies 2 Corinthians 6—what fellowship does light have with darkness? Holiness is always the response: separation unto God.

For believers, two options exist. The first is to consider the nature of your relationship. Examine it honestly: Is it built on purity, obsessed with purity? Or is there any hint of inappropriate behavior?

Option 1: Marry Under Necessity (Verses 36–38)

If you sense any impropriety and passions are strong—meaning lack of self-control due to the other's attractiveness and your interactions—marry. It is no sin. This applies to those of marriageable age with an existing commitment toward marriage. Do not prolong temptation; enjoy the bountifulness of marriage instead.

He who marries his betrothed does well—better to marry than burn. Fornication is uniquely against the body, tied to natural biology, making it especially hard to overcome.

Option 2: Refrain and Restrain (Better—Verse 37–38)

Whoever is firmly established in his heart, under no necessity, with desire under control, and determined to keep her as his betrothed (virgin), will do well. He who refrains from marriage does even better.

This is a relationship publicly committed to purity: "This is my virgin; I'm keeping her that way." Sense when interactions become too heated, stop, and exercise restraint. No urgency to marry means freedom from compulsion.

Why Refraining Does Even Better

Paul, the pro-marriage apostle of Ephesians 5, prioritizes a foundation of self-control and undivided devotion to the Lord. Marriage under necessity stems from inability to restrain; it binds you lifelong to someone who has demonstrated poor control. Such a union risks worldly anxieties, idolatry, and divided devotion.

Compare: Marriage A forms under necessity to avoid fornication—partners unable to control themselves. Marriage B builds on purity, no urgency—partners concerned for each other's holiness first.

Ask: Would you marry someone unconcerned with holiness, who views you through worldly lenses? Or one who demonstrates restraint, devotion to God, and care for your purity? Build on holiness for security and gospel-displaying joy.

Closing Considerations

If single, stay single. Cultivate undivided devotion to the Lord, contentment, self-control, and purity. This foundation makes you a desirable catch.

Do not set your sights too low—avoid relationships leading to necessity-driven marriage. Christlike believers exist; pursue only those committed to holiness.

If your relationship embodies purity and devotion, marry freely—I'll defend it. But if demanding marriage without restraint, change the relationship now. Aim for joyous unions where all celebrate your purity-honoring commitment.