Philemon

Conflict Resolution That Revolves Around Christ

What can Christians today learn from an epistle primarily about returning a runaway slave to his master? Only some of the most crucial relationship tools that provide significant advantages through life's issues. Philemon is a short, simple, practical solution to any and all conflicts that arise between people, especially Christians. It provides incredible beneficial solutions that Paul puts into place in dealing with the conflict between a slave owner and a runaway slave, as though God knew what he was doing when he gave us this epistle.

If you have ever been offended by a fellow Christian, or offended a fellow Christian, or seen specific problems in your life or the lives of fellow Christians, add the book of Philemon to your toolbox. The reason is that Philemon is a letter designed to deal with conflict resolution from a Christian perspective, unto the glory of God and the benefit of his people.

As we dive into this epistle, we look for how to engage in meaningful, permanent resolution to conflict from a gospel-centered perspective. Our letter is concerned with conflict resolution that revolves around Christ. That's the goal the Apostle Paul exemplifies in dealing with the issues between Philemon and Onesimus.

We want to know how to bring conflict to resolution—in other words, bring solutions to our problems and not allow them to grow in intensity or duration. We want to solve our problems from a biblical perspective.

1. The Proper Attitude for Resolution

As a foundational principle for bringing conflict to resolution and solutions to problems, we must first understand the proper attitude for resolution. You will never reach resolution if your attitude is not in harmony with solving problems. Our attitudes determine the atmosphere of our interactions. They set the mood and tone, determining whether you approach problem-solving defensively or offensively, or with weapons down.

Leave out all the things you could say to attack, defend yourself, or gather support to win the argument rather than resolve the conflict for God's glory. If you have a bad attitude toward other Christians, you will never have the right motivation or desire to reach a solution.

Think about the situation in Philemon. A runaway slave in the Roman Empire could face beating, harsh tasks, or worse. This conflict could go south quickly. Paul could have collected a bounty, but instead, he approaches with confidence because of Philemon's proper attitude and reputation, even before resolution begins.

Without that reputation, you'd miss the love approach Paul uses and end up with the command approach he could have taken. Paul enters a satisfying task of making peace because Philemon, the more spiritually mature, treats all God's people well. His attitude provides quick, meaningful, permanent solutions.

Notice Philemon's characteristics: love and faith toward Jesus and the saints. He loves Christ and God's people, is faithful to Christ and trustworthy among the saints. Do you love Jesus? Do you love Christ's people? We must prove it, not just profess it. Move from profession to demonstration of love for Christ and other Christians.

I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers because I hear of your love and of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and for all the saints.

Philemon showed love and faith by inciting joy, comfort, and refreshment in fellow Christians. Paul derived much joy and comfort from Philemon's love, because the hearts of the saints were refreshed through him.

For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you.

Love and faith are known when they produce joy, comfort, and refreshment—like water to the soul. With an attitude that refreshes, encourages, and builds up, conflict resolution can be accomplished. It's easier to respond when someone provokes joy rather than argument.

And I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ.

Paul prays for effectiveness in every good thing for the sake of Christ. The ultimate attitude for resolution is full knowledge of all good in Christ, so his reputation is not ruined and he is the motivation and means to solve problems. Reconcile for Christ's glory, that his love be displayed in his people.

2. Perplexing Actions for Resolution

If Christ is not central to problem-solving, Paul's actions will confuse or offend you. Conflict resolution must revolve around Christ as motivation and means.

Paul has two options: the love approach or the command approach. As an apostle, he could command Philemon to receive Onesimus.

Accordingly, though I am bold enough in Christ to command you to do what is required...

Conflict resolution is required, not optional, straight from Jesus' playbook in the Sermon on the Mount.

Matthew 5:21-24
You have heard that it was said to those of old, “You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.” But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, “You fool!” will be liable to the hell of fire... So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

Unresolved conflict is akin to murder. Worship is secondary to reconciliation. Paul leverages Christ's authority: reconciliation is required. But for love's sake, he appeals.

...yet for love’s sake I prefer to appeal to you—I, Paul, an old man and now a prisoner also for Christ Jesus.

"Appeal" (parakaleo) means advocate, helper, comforter—like Christ and the Holy Spirit. Paul begs Philemon to resolve, instilling courage, comfort, and friendliness. Onesimus offended Philemon by running away, but ran into Paul, heard the gospel, and was converted. From "useless" to useful, now a beloved brother.

I appeal to you for my child Onesimus, whose father I became in my imprisonment. Formerly he was useless to you, but now he is indeed useful to you and to me... No longer as a slave but more than a slave, as a beloved brother, especially to me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord.

Perplexing actions: Paul sends Onesimus back, offers to repay all wrongs, even writing it himself.

If he has wronged you at all, or owes you anything, charge that to my account. I, Paul, write this with my own hand, I will repay it...

This leaves Philemon no reason to hold anything against Onesimus—only to forgive, mirroring the gospel where Christ paid our debt. Justice is satisfied in Christ, so forgive. Paul, in prison, offers to pay or even take Onesimus's place. Love keeps no record of wrongs, providing a clean slate for brotherly fellowship.

3. The Perfect Admonition for Resolution

So if you consider me your partner, receive him as you would receive me... Yes, brother, I want some benefit from you in the Lord. Refresh my heart in Christ. Confident of your obedience, I write to you, knowing that you will do even more than I say.

Paul admonishes by focusing off the conflict, eliminating grudges, onto the gospel. Philemon and Onesimus owe Paul their lives through evangelism. We all are debtors to the gospel—too much to collect debts from each other. View lives through the gospel lens: Why not forgive? Christ forgave you deeply.

Steps for Conflict Resolution That Revolves Around Christ

1. Change your attitude. Focus on refreshing hearts, giving joy and comfort to saints. Ask God to change it—only he can.
2. Recognize the goal is to win your brother or sister, not the argument. Eternity makes arguments insignificant. Win them back forever, as God worked evil for good.
3. The gospel alone suffices as reason and motivation. God forgave us; forgive each other by canceling debts, as Christ paid them. You can still hurt, but don't hold it against each other. God knows our sins but doesn't hold them in animosity.
4. You're not enemies. You're brothers and sisters. For love and the gospel, resolve conflicts revolving around Christ.