How James Solves Conflict

The Source of Conflict: Passions at War Within You

James chapter 4 asks, What causes quarrels and fights among you? Is it not this that your passions are at war within you?

You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.

James identifies the root of conflict in relationships: passions warring within you. These are sinful desires for pleasure, delight, and enjoyment—worldly pleasures that clash with the holy spirit God has placed in us.

Conflict arises because we enter relationships expecting to get something out of them rather than pouring into them. We crave worldly things from others, leading to disappointment, anger, and quarrels when expectations go unmet.

Worldly Friendship as Enmity with God

You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”?

These passions are worldly, creating enmity with God. Compare your life to the world's—not to blend in for relevance, but to stand in stark contrast as godly. Conflict reveals worldliness: a concern for taking from relationships rather than giving.

In friendships, family, church, or romance, ask: What am I pouring in? Sow peace, which yields a harvest of righteousness. Approach relationships to bless, edify, and encourage godliness, not to fulfill personal pleasures.

The Entitlement Mentality and Murderous Anger

Worldly passions foster entitlement: "Please me; I'm the god of my throne." When others fail to meet our demands, we judge, resent, and conflict escalates. Pride sets us up as lawgiver and judge, but there is only one Lawgiver and Judge who can save and destroy.

Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?

James draws from Jesus' Sermon on the Mount: Unresolved conflict is murder. Anger, insults, and holding grudges equate to murder in God's eyes. If you know someone has something against you, go and be reconciled—before worship, before anything.

You covet what you cannot have, so you fight like a child throwing a tantrum. You don't have because you don't ask God rightly; your requests serve selfish passions.

God's Grace for Conflict Resolution

But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.

Resolution begins with humility, for God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Grace is God's power working in you to obey and overcome sin.

Submit to God, resist the devil. Draw near by cleansing hands (actions) and purifying hearts (thoughts)—repent of double-mindedness and worldly joys. Turn worldly laughter to mourning; find joy in God alone.

In conflict, draw a pie chart: What percentage of sin is mine? Never zero—humble yourself, forgive quickly, ask forgiveness quickly. Surrender the judge's seat. Sow peace, not evil-speaking. Love and forgive as God commands.