Dating Foundations, Part 3: Dating Behavior

Reviewing the Foundation

As we have laid a foundation in this series on dating, we ask: What else do I need to know before pursuing a romantic relationship? We've defined romantic relationships biblically: those promised to marriage, engagement, and marriage itself. The central theme is commitment toward marriage.

Key foundations include:

• The glory of God as the Christian's sole motivation in life, including romantic relationships. Whatever you do—eat, drink, or pursue relationships—do all to the glory of God.
• Parents' input is extremely valuable. Disobedience to parents means failure to glorify God in dating.
• A proper understanding of one's body and purity before entering romantic relationships—what we've called "wife sexuality" for men and "husband sexuality" for women.

Don't pursue dating for temporary happiness, which leads to heartache and avoids biblical paths. Tonight, we focus on how to function in such a relationship.

The Context of 1 Corinthians 7:1-9

Paul addresses the unmarried and widows, concerned with relationships where sexual sin tempts. This is precisely the dating context: a romantic relationship between opposite sexes with potential for sexual immorality.

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Now as a concession, not a command, I say this: I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 7:1-9, ESV)

This continues the theme of purity. Sexual sin uniquely defiles the body, the temple of the Holy Spirit. It's a pinnacle offense to God—continual unrepentant sexual sin reveals no genuine salvation.

Avoiding Intimate Touch

Verse 1 states it is good for a man not to touch a woman intimately (Greek haptō: to kindle a fire, ignite passion). The inverse: such touch is evil, wicked. This applies to both genders—not casual affection like a holy kiss, but intimate touch that arouses, as husband and wife may.

In dating, "testing the waters" or fooling around ignites fire. Spiritually, it's like tying a brother or sister in Christ to a stake and setting them ablaze. Men: this is a daughter of God. Women: this is a son purchased by Christ's blood. Where are the men as protectors and leaders?

The Role of Self-Control

Paul emphasizes self-control. Without it, better to marry than burn—but context matters.

Now concerning virgins, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. (1 Corinthians 7:25-28, ESV)

Marrying to escape burning without self-control imports sin into marriage, multiplying worldly troubles and anxiety. A sinful foundation (e.g., fornication) offers no guarantee of fidelity post-marriage. Paul spares believers these by urging devotion to the Lord first, especially amid Corinth's sexual distress.

Essential Preparations Before Dating

1. Recognize the potential to be set on fire. Intimate touch awakens dormant sexual desire (Song of Solomon 2:6-7). Purity gives advantage—don't stir love prematurely.
2. Don't assume you're above temptation. Pride sets you up for failure (1 Corinthians 10:12).
3. Examine your walk with the Lord. Check for disobedience to parents, uncontrolled sins (lying, anger, drinking), ignorance of Scripture, provocative dress or speech, approval of homosexuality or flippant sexuality—signs of lacking devotion.
4. Examine worldliness. Are idols present? Would losing the person end your world?
5. When in doubt, wait. Marriage as last resort here brings avoidable troubles; build on godliness.