Dating Attributes

Foundational Principles Recap

As we conclude our series on dating, remember the foundational principles we've covered. Everything we do as Christians is for the glory of God, including romantic relationships that lead to marriage. Obedience to parents is crucial—if you're under their headship and they advise against a relationship, take it seriously. Disobedience places you among the worst offenders.

The Bible addresses three kinds of romantic relationships: those promised to marriage, those engaged to marriage, and marriage itself. Purity is essential before, during, and after. Even in marriage, the bed must remain undefiled. Your body is for the Lord, so keep sexuality dormant until marriage, expressed only with your spouse.

Essential Attributes: Walking in Agreement

With those foundations in place, consider other essential qualities in a potential spouse—and qualities you should possess.

Can two walk together, except they be agreed? (Amos 3:3)

Can two walk in harmony if they don't know each other or agree on beliefs and philosophies? Even politics can cause conflict. This aligns with not being unequally yoked—like oxen pulling in different directions. Beliefs, philosophies, and goals must align.

Just claiming to be a Christian isn't enough. Diverse beliefs exist among professing Christians—Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses, Roman Catholics hold fundamentally different views. Know what you believe and why. Set essential goals as hills to die on. Minor disagreements may be workable, but ignore core differences at your peril. Many marital struggles arise from ignoring this, leading to a marriage that doesn't glorify God.

Don't marry for happiness—the person will let you down. Your sole motivation is God's glory.

Qualities for Women

Ladies, before praying for a spouse, pray God makes you a good spouse. Focus on conforming to Christ's image.

Likewise also that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works. Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. (1 Timothy 2:9-13)

This isn't banning nice clothes or braided hair—those marked first-century prostitutes advertising availability. Don't dress to attract the wrong attention. Dress to profess godliness. Appearance fades; attract on character. Your dress reveals your godliness.

Women have a God-given role: not to teach or exercise authority over men. This isn't lesser—it's biblical order. Submission is God's design to free you to function at your fullest potential. You supply what man lacks; you're God's solution. Encourage your husband—nothing builds a man more; nothing tears him down like criticism.

There's a risk of deception, hence the need for headship—first your father's, then your husband's. Seek a man who relies on Christ, better than Adam. Submission frees you from protection duties to excel as a godly woman.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. (Ephesians 5:22-24)

Submit as unto the Lord—your motivation is Christ, not your husband's perfection. Even if he fails (short of sin), submit to glorify God and represent the gospel. Don't blaspheme it through disrespect. Never criticize your husband to him or others.

Ladies, assess emotional and spiritual maturity. Does he share your beliefs—like trinitarianism and the gospel? Same goals—missionary, ministry, homemaker? Does he reflect biblical husband qualities: motivated, provider, protector, patient? Leadership means meeting needs. Does he take Christ and Scripture seriously? Can he handle anger, disappointment, your emotions patiently? Treat you as a precious vessel, not a football—handle you gently so you can flourish.

Before marriage, you have no duty to submit—but observe if he already exhibits these traits.