Dating

Introduction: A Beneficial Study for All

This is one of the most awkward subjects to discuss, especially among a youth group with all the attractions to one another. But it won't be as awkward as it seems. This will be a very beneficial study, even if you're not interested in dating.

Even if the opposite sex is still yucky—that's a great place to be. Even if singleness is your desire for life, which is great for Kingdom advancement, you'll benefit. This is essentially a study on being a Christian and living as one. The truths apply to how you behave as a Christian in general. You'll walk away knowing how to live properly in other areas.

Laying the Foundation: No Sacred-Secular Divide

As we start this series on dating, we need to lay groundwork with two essential foundations—the first tonight, the second next week.

There is a negative connotation with the term "dating." Some see it as a bad word because of how the world dates. The term originally referred to sexual encounters, like prostitution. Language evolves, but to avoid the buzzword, some use "courting"—winning affections for marriage, old-fashioned style.

The biggest thing is not the words, but the concept of romantic relationships. Introduce the sacred versus secular divide, debated for centuries. Reformers understood there's no such divide. If you're a Christian, every aspect of life is sacred and holy. You can't have Christian moments and non-Christian ones. Everything you do should be holy, as a Christian.

So date as a Christian—pursue it holily, without sin, to glorify God. No "world dating" outside Christian living. Courtship too must be holy.

Applications: How do you play video games to the glory of God? Shop? Have friendships? School? Work? Homeschool? Live as a Christian, glorifying God, avoiding sin.

It doesn't matter the word—pursue as a Christian with a biblical foundation. Justify everything by Scripture. If not addressed, pursue holiness.

Terms to Abandon

Abandon "homosexuality" as a valid romantic pursuit—Scripture calls it sin, an abomination.

Same-sex attraction is a struggle like drunkenness or pornography—minister with the gospel. But it's not valid for romance.

Throw out "heterosexual"—too worldly, implies sexual desire. Instead, be "wife-sexual" (guys) or "husband-sexual" (girls). Pursue one opposite-sex person God intends as spouse; sexuality follows marriage. Not interested in a whole group, but singular focus on a spouse—the highest human relationship under God.

Biblical Foundation: The Glory of God

The biblical foundation for dating—and all life—is the glory of God, our greatest motivation.

Man's singular purpose: worship and glorify God. God in Trinity was perfect; created humanity to glorify Himself in redemption of elect and condemnation of reprobate.

Romans 3:23
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

Sin is failing to glorify God. Redeemed humanity glorifies God—Christians' way of life in every aspect. No secular-sacred divide.

1 Corinthians 10:31
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

Context: Don't bother a brother's conscience—that's key for dating. If something bothers theirs, stop—even if not sin. Causing stumble is grave; value others above self. Freedom in Christ doesn't mean do whatever if it offends.

Avoid sin—it falls short of glory. Glory of God is sole motivation for dating. Entering for personal satisfaction sets up disappointment—people let you down, beauty fades, nothing below God satisfies permanently.

Idolatry—seeking in dating what only God gives—leads to disappointment and judgment if unrepentant. True Christianity changes behavior.

Christ's first words: Repent, for the kingdom is at hand.

Dating to glorify God: When they let you down, glorify God still. Arguments become reconciliation opportunities—ministry of reconciliation. All works for good; dependent on Christ.

Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God.

The Elephant in the Room: Obey Parents

If glory of God motivates dating, parents' input matters. Rejecting them fails glorifying God.

Ephesians 6:1-3
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.

Obey "in the Lord"—not if pushing sin. Honor means obedience. Then relationships go well—all interpersonal ones. Obedience lays foundation for good relationships lifelong.

2 Timothy 3:1-5
But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive... disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy... having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.

Disobedient to parents = red flag. Avoid them for dating.

New Testament Relationships

Point of salvation: Christ's marriage to the church.

Ephesians 5:32
This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

Marriage pictures gospel—husband leaves parents, joins wife.

Scripture's romantic relationships:

• Marriage: unhindered intimacy.
• 1 Corinthians 7:3-5: Physical intimacy only in marriage.
• 1 Corinthians 6:18-20: Outside is sin.
• 1 Corinthians 7:31: Engagement-like, ends in marriage; "marriageable" women.
• 1 Corinthians 7:8-9: Singles without self-control should marry—in the Lord.

Three kinds: Single with self-control (marriageable); Engaged with self-control; Marriage.

No prohibition on pre-engagement relationship (dating) leading to engagement then marriage. World says "test drive," "see where it goes"—even live together. Bible knows no romantic relationship not ending in marriage; disdains others (e.g., woman at the well, John 4).

Greek Words Clarifying Dating

• Hermazzo: Suitable to marry; formal agreement/engagement—Christian dating commitment to marry.
• Mnestuo: Promised in marriage; woo/win for marriage.
• Parthenos: Virgin; eligible/promised for marriage.

Dating: Intentional pursuit of spouse to glorify God—not "play the field" for fun. Biblical marriage: helper suitable (Genesis 2). Seek complement—gifts lacking in you.

Singleness fine, but dating seeks transcendent: Make each other better for God, ministry.

Conclusion: Pursue with Biblical Foundation

Absolute necessity: Biblical foundation—glory of God. Parents can't refute. Pursue holiness; sky's the limit. Grace-fueled success, even in failure via reconciliation. Don't invent relationships—follow Scripture. Next: Self-control essential. Embrace Scripture's limited romantic scope.