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From CCEF: 8 Steps to Prepare before Confronting Your Husband’s Use of Pornography

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Finding out that your spouse is using pornography can be a shocking and daunting experience. You may feel an array of emotions such as shock, disgust, and despair and be unsure of what to do and how to approach your spouse. However, it is a critical and important conversation to have with your spouse as it is, no doubt, impacting your marriage.

Before addressing your spouse about this issue, it is important to pray for strength and guidance, seek out the help and support of a trusted friend or counselor, seek to understand the extent of the problem, consider your safety, decide to address his sin, plan what you will say and be prepared for his various possible reactions, and know what outcomes you are asking him to implement.

It is also important to recognize that pornography use is not exclusive to men and is a heavy burden to have to bear, particularly for children who may discover that their parent is using pornography. There is even certain software, such as Canopy, which is designed to block images, that families may find beneficial. Repentance, however, is the key to ridding your marriage of this horrible vice. 

Moreover, individuals must be aware of the serious consequences of pornography use and the harm that it can cause. Sexual sin is contagious and can lead to other sins, such as deception. Pornography is also very divisive and damaging to marriages and, thus, must be addressed.

On this journey, it is also important to be reminded of the promises of God. In Scripture, we are reminded that God hates sin and loves us more than we do. Furthermore, we are also reminded of God’s promise never to leave us nor forsake us and that the Lord is our helper, and that we should not fear.

To help those who are struggling with confronting their spouse on the use of pornography and to ensure that the conversation is handled in the best way possible, Darby Strickland offers a list of eight steps that can be taken before addressing a spouse’s use of pornography. She also provides several important resources that should be consulted in order to deal effectively with this major issue. 

Here is a brief excerpt from her article:

The moment at which you discover your husband’s use of pornography, your world turns upside down. You feel shock, disgust, and despair. Your head spins. Many women fear approaching their husbands about their discovery or consider it wrong for a wife to confront her husband. Some women feel safer ignoring it. Others take the opposite approach and engage with anger, and their elevated response becomes the focus rather than their spouse’s sin.

I want to help you confront your husband in a way that expresses care for him and concern for your marriage. But first, it needs to be said that pornography is a grievous and serious sin. H...

You can read her full article here